I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
