drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
