all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
