it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
