If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
