i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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