walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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