I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
