i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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