Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
