I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
