If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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