Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
