Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
