Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
