Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
