you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
