I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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