woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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