i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
