Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
