She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're like the curious george of whores
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
