I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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