why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
birth control should be required to get into college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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