my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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