your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
