Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
