why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
