Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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