I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
