Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
