Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
