After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
