She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
