I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
