I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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