Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
