I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
