what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
