pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
