forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
