my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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