Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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