I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
