Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
