And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
