this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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