What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
