nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
