Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
