the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
