turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
